When, as a tiny pup, I arrived in my new home, I immediately became familiar with social netbarking since my big Sis Kizzy had had her own Twoofer account for some years. She had built up a following of good friends on there and was reluctant to have an annoying little Pupstart like me muscling in and spoiling things. Of course, I thought that was very unfair as I was quite a sociable pup and ready to play with anyone, so my Human Beans said that as long as I was good, I could have my own account.
I first stepped into Twoofworld (as it’s popularly known – our very own parallel universe) in January 2014 as Jemima114 and was made very welcome by many of Kizzy’s friends, indeed some of them are my very best friends today. I must admit I found it a bit scary at first as there were dogs of all shapes & sizes and I was very little, but I soon realised that there are no nasty dogs in Twoofworld and they all just wanted to play and exchange tips on training their Humans. Before long I was posting all my adventures for everyone to read, and enjoying sharing theirs.
Of course, Twoofer is not the only social netbarking site. There is Instawoof & Facebark too, but they seemed a bit grown up and boring to a trendy little pup like me, so I leave them to the Humans (who are good at doing ‘boring’).
In this day and age, it is important to be computer literate, and that includes sending and reading peemail since that is one of the most important forms of communication in our society. You do have to be careful though not to believe everything you read. I remember Kizzy being very excited when she got a peemail from a very handsome hound with the local hunt. He told her that it was love at first sight, and because he was rich he could take her on exciting adventures and buy her lots of exotic noms, so she replied pledging her undying love – she even remembered to do a smell check to avoid embarrassing mistakes. We all warned her that he might be a wolf in hound’s clothing, but she wouldn’t listen. Sadly, despite insisting on visiting that area numerous times, she never received a reply, and promptly had a fit of the vapours before going into a decline for all of about twenty minutes. 
I really can’t imagine life without my Twoofer account now. I have lovely friends, both Canine & Human, from all over the world. I have seen and read about things I could never have imagined and had experiences beyond my wildest dreams, like this wonderful pool pawty for a pal’s birthday. We even had a flypast from a famous aerobatic team – The Red Sparrows I think they were called (you can just see them in the distance).
The only downside is that it can be very sad at times, when an old friend is ill and has to leave for Rainbow Bridge, but every one of them lives on in my memory and imagine the pawties we’ll have in years to come.
Quite apart from all that, what on earth would Has Bean (a.k.a Mum) do with her time if she didn’t have to type all my twoofs. I fear she may get into mischief so I think I shall have to keep her fully occupied for the foreseeable future. Brace yourselves friends – you’ll have to put up with me for a long time to come, Dog willing.
They went to a house on the East London/Essex border and were shown me, my Brother & Sister and ‘Mum’, and we all looked clean & well cared for. We were in a playpen in what appeared to be a family living room – the TV was on and there were two small children there. My Beans were at first interested in my tri-colour Sister, but I fixed them with ‘the look’ and got their attention. They collected me a couple of days later.
Having had my third birthday at the end of last year, I got to thinking that my career as a glamorous young moDEL could start to wane – after all my superstar looks won’t last forever. That set me wondering what else I could turn my paw to. I considered the obvious options like re-training as an assistance or PAT dog, but that seemed far too much like hard work. Surely there must be something I could do which would keep me in treats without being too taxing?
me thinking. Perhaps if I work at it I can make a career of it. My first effort was ‘Meerkat’, which seemed to go quite well, then, inspired by seeing a Chameleon on TV, I decided to go for something a bit different. Ladies & Gentlefurs, I give you ‘Hearthrug’ & ‘Blanket’
I believe the boys are subjected to a similar rite of passage known as ‘The Chop’. I’ve no idea what this involves, but they tend to go pale round the gills at any mention of nuts. I believe they have the Twitter group called #DAWGs – Dashing Around Without Gonads.
They particularly enjoy it when you jump all over them with muddy feet whilst licking their face at the same time, and will make appreciative little squealing noises which is very rewarding. Of course, you need to let the poor disillusioned creatures THINK they are in charge at all times, as they get quite stressed if they feel out of control and have even been known to suffer what is known as a ‘Fenton moment’. The symptoms of this condition include running out of control whilst their arms wave madly, and shouting incomprehensible words to no-one in particular. Having said all that, they are extremely trainable and can be persuaded to exhibit all manner of bizarre behaviour in return for licks and tail wags.
Make sure they see what you have then run away quickly…they will follow immediately and retrieve the item. Try this technique with other high-value items like the iBone. The rule of paw is that it must be something they really value so that they will be encouraged to fetch. If you can occasionally completely destroy an item it will focus their mind on being more obedient in the future. You may need to repeat the exercise several times before they get the idea, but persistence is the key.
Having found a recipe, they will expect you to sit in the kitchen looking interested while they say things like “Now we need 100g of flour” or “Let’s put them in the oven shall we?”. You may be thinking “Well you stupid human, that might be a bit difficult for me with my lack of opposable thumbs, and anyway you’d freak out if I went anywhere near the oven”, but humour them as the results will be worth it!
You can expand this process to include things like homemade ice creams or lollies for the hot weather. Further progress can be made by sharing the goodies with pals when you see them – your humans will be encouraged by their success and you will have a ready supply of homemade treats….result!
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